Christina Hendricks nude

ce)May 19 2014

This week we’ll be talking about Christina Hendricks’ boobs using the True Boob Planetary Model of Intergalactic Bustlines. Let’s go exploring. Every female body in the universe is the creator of a boob planet — a dynamic environment which reflects the size of their breasts from the age of consent until their Golden Age passes. The red hot core of the planet is the size of the breast itself, unaffected by fashion and other outside influence. But adding to the planet’s size is also its crust, which surrounds the core and reflects exaggeration to the breast by bras and other structured fabric.

Boob planets have unstable cores which chaotically expand and contract with weight fluctuation, hormone balance, and age. The size of planet Hendricks’ core (its True Boob) depends on when in its history we’re looking at it. One month it may bloat to obscenity, while another month it will have relaxed back and settled a bit. We’ll be covering dynamic phases of Hendricks’ core when we arrive to it. But first, we have to get through the crust.

At its outermost point, a boob planet’s crust is the largest amount the boob has ever been exaggerated during its lifetime. As we travel down through the crust, layer by layer of plumping, hoisting and padding get stripped away as we get closer to the core, until we’ve reached the True Boob itself — a point of no embellishment at the center of the planet. You might expect planet Hendricks’ crust to be quite thick, like I did.

A “tit” is a unit of measurement used to calculate the thickness of a planet’s crust in proportion to the size of its core. For example, I would’ve predicted Hendricks’ crust to be 80 tits thick, surpassing even JL Hewitt levels of exaggeration. But in reality, the core itself is actually quite large. Pushup bras have been used religiously during its lifespan, but there’s a substantial infrastructure underneath those bras. Planet Hendricks’ core is big enough to meet our expectations under its own steam. But that doesn’t mean things haven’t gotten a little crazy. Its crust is approximately 40 tits deep.

So let’s start there, on the surface of the planet 40 tits above the True Boob core. The view is wide and cavernous here where her boobs have been enhanced the most. These are the Great Valleys of Planet Hendricks.



You can see the appeal. Even with True Boob’s staunch position against pushup bras, it’s hard to argue with such success. There’s a boobological formula used to calculate how much volume is required before hoisting a bust up to such great heights makes the mystifying transition from desperate to sexy. And she’s the model for the sexy side of that curve. While some women bolt spoilers onto their tricycle, Christina Hendricks has the sports car to properly pull it off.

So at this point, we’ve dealt with both pushup bras and structure that fills out her boobs from underneath. But we’ve only just scratched the planet’s surface.
To go deeper, we’ll need a vessel to speed up the journey and protect us from the elements. Traveling through tits and tits of boob planet crust can be dangerous, with risks of lust overflow and self pleasure at every turn. Nobody is safe, everybody is susceptible, and boobologists say a prayer before embarking on such a journey… “In quaerere de vero femina pectus.” Amen. Our excavator will take us down 10 tits below the surface to a point 30 tits above the core.
The same year, and much more healthy looking.
This is a surprisingly honest look at her chest when it was much smaller.


GIF This is from the TV series Beggars and Choosers. I see versions of this GIF all over the place, and I can see why. Her bra is almost at critical mass trying to keep things in check as she’s pushed onto her back. As you can see, this is from 2000. I’ve double and triple checked to make sure. We’ll see some shots of her from 1999 near the bottom, and you’ll understand why I was doubting myself a little.
There’s a lot less support this far down, and a lot less padding. Things are heating up quickly — the True Boob core is just 10 tits away.


Those are some great questions. And I wish I could give you the answers.
You might’ve been expecting a few other images at this point. Some very specific ones? Stop right there — you and I both know that those resources were discovered through illegal mining. Their yields were great, and potentially groundbreaking for our research, but at True Boob we adhere to the Boobologist Code of Honor and Love. And it’s not something I’m just complying with out of fear of losing my license — it’s something that I morally support. Leaked nudes and compromising paparazzi shots are off limits in this series. Looking through the images is debatable, and I’ll leave that one up to you, but stealing private photos or sneaking around taking candid ones is awful behavior. If these were disembodied boobs floating around in empty space, I’d be the first one out there with a butterfly net. But the boobs here are attached to a human being. The research contained in this box won’t be released to the public through True Boob until those who would suffer can suffer from it no more.

The fappening