The True Boob — an investigation into the chest of Jessica Alba
Let’s talk about Jessica Alba’s boobs. I don’t think they’re something she’s really known for. I have a boob collection — of course — and she’s not in it. Hers are fine, but she’s also hot everywhere else, so it’s more difficult for them to get special attention. But while Jessica Alba’s boobs aren’t very interesting, as a boobologist, Jessica Alba’s boobs being Jessica Alba’s boobs is very interesting to me. She was the biggest sex symbol of her time, someone who at any one point in time could have had hundreds of millions of people wondering what was really going on under there. And so for the sake of humanity, it’s our job to gather all of the information available and get to the bottom of this boob puzzle. What did Jessica Alba’s boobs really look like? So where do we start? Well, how about the beginning.
Here they are. There’s Jessica Alba’s boobs, everyone. I found them on an Angelfire page somewhere. We can all go home now. See you next time.
No, it’s a lie. A lie told by a padded top. Want more early career lies? Watch the TV show Dark Angel.
It debuted in 2000, and she came out of nowhere. A once in a generation beauty.
But even back then, I knew they were messing around with her chest on that show. She often looked busty, but there was always too much structure around her boobs. Those bras weren’t there to support…they were there to deceive. They might as well have been filled with popcorn.
In 2003, MTV Diaries showcased her hotness with a bikini shoot. She’s well known now for her bikinis, but this was the first time that I had seen her in one (I missed out on Flipper). This was a whole new level of information…but still, I wasn’t convinced. I’m probably going to be talking a lot about bikinis. The appeal is simple — in a bikini, there’s less material between the boobs and your eye. And it’s often less deceptive. A good bikini supports the boobs, but it doesn’t aggressively shape it. Unfortunately, some of them have a lot of padding and are harder to get a read on, but in general a bikini is usually a whole different ballgame than a bra.
So the MTV segment was better than anything I had seen, but even still her top had enough layer to it and you’re still not sure if it’s all her. The heft to her chest as she lies back flat on the boat could more bikini than bust. And when you’re dealing with small boobs, a few extra centimeters of thick material can be a total gamechanger.
Into the Blue, Jessica’s big bikini feature from 2005. Here are 2 different pictures of one of the bikinis from the movie.