The True Boob — an investigation into the chest of Lindsay Lohan
This was the True Boob I never wanted to do. As we’ve seen in the series so far, every person has their prime. All of us are our best at some point in our lives, and when we eventually pass that point, we’re hopefully able to leave some sort of a legacy behind. As a person who loves art and beauty, as I’m sure we all do, it’s hard to watch someone fall from their best and pass their prime. It happens to talented directors, football players, to our parent, and of course, to boobs. Sometimes that fall isn’t graceful. Sometimes a person’s potential is quickly and violently ripped from them before they’ve had a chance to see it through. And while what remnants of their work they leave behind are still possible to appreciate, they’re also tainted…we can’t help but be reminded of tragedy when we look at them, and of briefly we were able to enjoy what that person had to offer. Usually when we think of this kind of tragedy, we have a celebrity, artist, politician, or a family member in mind — usually someone who has died young. But sometimes they don’t die.
Let’s talk about Lindsay Lohan’s boobs.
Addiction is a bitch. I doubt there’s anyone here who hasn’t struggled with it, and lost to it, in some small way. Some of us have in big ways. But if you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t understand how it affects your life to be unable to stop doing something that hurts you, and if you don’t understand the physical and psychological damage that comes with that, I encourage you to think twice before judging Lindsay Lohan for her compulsive behavior. So hasn’t she had enough scrutiny? Yes, absolutely. Cruel, relentless scrutiny and criticism for years. And for us to add onto that at this point would be kicking the rut in the ground where the dead horse used to be. So if we’re going to do this, we have to do it right, and it needs to have a purpose. Too many people have gotten a cheap thrill out of watching Lindsay struggle and lose to her poor upbringing and drug use. They read snide articles, point and snicker, feel disgusted with her decisions, and satisfied with their superiority. It’s sideshow trash for the 21st century. The people who feed off of it are pigs, and investigating Lindsay is going to give them their slop no matter how we handle it. This is something that we’re going to have to accept.
There have been more articles about Lindsay Lohan than books written since humans have learned to write. The coverage is complete, sometimes day-to-day photographic evidence of what a person’s descent from youth and beauty into disease looks like. Her attention in the public eye has fueled what unintentionally could have become the best visual examination of what drug addiction can do to a person. Looking at her progression is a clear message of what will happen to you if you go down the same road without successful treatment. And if Lindsay is forever cursed to be a cautionary tale — which she will be — maybe it’s time to use that painstakingly gathered information for education instead of entertainment. Maybe we can use it for a True Boob look at a boob tragedy. But this will be first and foremost a celebration of beauty. Lindsay’s boobs were truly remarkable, and their perfect forms will be honored throughout the first part of the collection. Nothing will make us forget the wonderful “before”. The “after” will be presented as concisely as I can manage while still illustrating exactly what happened to her. This collection’s purpose, as with the entire series, is an examination into something that people can’t control but try very hard to influence. This time that might mean more than just boobs, and our look at it will be all encompassing and nondiscriminatory. This is a scientific journal of boobology, and I won’t be delicate with what I show you or how I describe it. No good investigation benefits from pussyfooting. The information gathered here is available for anybody to find, and reality won’t disappear just because we ignore it. The best that we can do with tragedy is to understand it completely, accept it fully, and move on towards a better life. This goes for Lindsay herself too, and I hope someday she’s able to achieve that kind of recovery. But if we’re going to do this…let’s do it.
The images presented here are in absolute chronological order. There’s no artistic license taken or efforts made to categorize them. This is Lindsay Lohan’s chest as it was from 2004 to 2014. Even after researching photo dates, some estimations have been necessary. For example, with magazine spreads you’re more likely to know when the issue was published, not when the photoshoot actually took place. Other images are old enough that they might not have been immediately put onto the internet — and others that were once online have long been deleted, only their copies remaining. Accuracy varies, but is often exact within a month. If you have any information that could help me make the image order more accurate, contact me on reddit through the same username.
The 10th anniversary of Mean Girls was a week before this gallery was published.
indsay Lohan was absolutely beautiful. Watching her in Mean Girls to prepare for this collection, shot after shot I was taken aback by her face. Just her face. Her face was distracting me from her boobs.I wasn’t prepared for that. I had completely forgotten what a gorgeous leading lady she was.
But this is True Boob, and there’s a lot to talk about 16 inches below that face. Lindsay’s boobs were dense. This made them very firm. Just sitting there, they might not have always looked huge, but there was a lot of meat to be pushed around. Boobs that firm move together as one solid unit and are able to almost completely retain their shape under great stress. There’s more resistance to force being applied to them, and so there’s also more plumping when that force eventually wins out. All of this makes for some impressive cleavage when Lindsay wanted it, and we would’ve see that a lot more if she ever wore a bra.
At this point people were absolutely losing their shit. The transformation took 4 months.